The Road To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions

So, first things first I recently got my old Nissan D21 pickup back from my friend Murderstang. If you remember a few posts ago I exclaimed that hell had in fact frozen over and I had sold my Nissan D21 that I had owned since 1995. Long story short, he wanted a bigger truck and i was in the market so BAM Nissan is back. now on to the story...

Bought the truck on Saturday and was so excited to get it back. Murderstang had done some keen upgrades and work to it while in his care. I knew i couldn't drive it and would have to wait to title it until the dreaded DMV was open during the week. No biggie, i can wait. So the first available time slot for a much on the go person was Wednesday at 8:15am. Read all about what i needed in hand and off we go to the DMV.

So, remember the title of this post (see above...)? Yeah, we couldn't remember if BOTH names were on the original title or if it was me or the misses or ????? I was all like "Leave it blank, the kind employee at the DMV will help us straighten it all out". Flash forward to the bureaucratic kick in the nuts i received as i handed over the papers with glee, just full of joy that i would get to drive my truck to work that day. See unbeknownst to me and the misses this tiny blank space on the title meant NO TRUCK FOR YOU! The government sponsored paperwork Nazi had seen his opening to dash the dreams of said wannabe hotrodder that sat in front of him.  And DASH DREAMS HE DID!

See, the truth is any government agency exists only to spread pain and agony on the citizens and blind them with confusing haphazard red tape and nonsense. This keeps the general masses from realizing that their wages and buying power have been on a steady decline since the 1970s whilst cost of goods and services doubles about every 15 minutes or so. With a grinch inspired smile he handed back the title along with another paper that had to be filled out from my friend Murder Stang (who by the way works 2 jobs and is insanely busy). Knowing the chances of me getting this crap filled out within the next year or so is about the same as me going and punching out Mike Tyson the rage builds and my only recourse is to leave and try to limit my cursing to 100 or less.

So, long story short never ever expect any help from any government employee. If they had come into their position with joy in their heart that has long since been crushed by angry confused patrons and overbearing unbending laws about their useless pieces of paper. Whether leaning on a government shovel or sitting behind a drab grey government cubical your encounter will be unpleasant. Just try your best to avoid at all costs.

You Might Not Be Perfect, But You Gotta Bring SOMETHING

So everyone knows that hotrods are inherently a losing proposition. If you are getting into a hotrod to make money you are in the wrong business. As my pop always used to say "Speed costs, how fast do you want to go?" In today's classic car market there is a growing problem that stems from a few different misconceptions.

If you are in the market to buy a decent starter hotrod there are numerous avenues to spend your hard earned cash... craigslist, auctions and of course just kinda keeping your eyes peeled. I have employed all these and many others and gotta say the divide between seller and buyer could not be larger. It has and will always be the seller wants the most he can get and the buyer wants it as cheap as he can get it but I contend not to the degree that is it now.

Numerous shows that feature classic car auctions and show people buying and selling them has given the sellers an incredibly false sense of what their classic hotrods are actually worth. There is no place on this planet or any other where a Chevy Malibu is worth $170k, I don't care if GOD pimped that ride... NO WAY! But week after week we see these shriveled up old rich guys throwing up their paddle to show they are rich enough to outlast other said old rich guys. Troubling trend is that now that the upper 1% have bought all the houses and lives they can they have moved onto such rouge-ish enterprises as classic cars.... but you know, as investments not to actually enjoy the car.

So scratch the auction scene, reserve cars will pass and pass and pass with no-sale after no-sale. On to the local market, that will give up some awesome cars right? eh, right?!?  When you go through the craigslist experience you will see that most are as delirious there as at an auction. A big problem with local craigslist cars is they bring nothing to the table, and i mean NOTHING! You can go buy a much newer SS camaro or GT mustang for the same or less than most of these classics and they are WAY more car and WAY WAY faster. Now, style and cool have nothing to do with that so i get it, buying an older classic hotrod is very different than buying a new Mustang but if you want speed they don't even compare. And here inlays the problem.

Say i want to buy an old 1969 Firebird (which i sure wouldn't mind), locally they are on craigslist for 13k - 25k. These cars have no new steering or suspension components, are not matching numbers, have rust throughout and the interior is mostly shot. For about 18k i can get a low mileage 2012 SS Camaro that is near perfect. What the hell man, give me SOMETHING. Like if the Firebird had the Disc Brake conversion and decent engine, or a solid body with some attention needed okay i could see $15k. But the cars i am seeing are bringing absolutely NOTHING to the table. Bored over garbage engines, gutted interiors... basically projects at best.

If you are selling a project price it like a GOD DAMN PROJECT! Everyone is looking for numbers matching show car money for parts car quality. I get that you want to make a few bucks but please, take a realistic look at what you are selling before you add another 10k to the price. Just because you let the car "age" like fine wine in the back yard on blocks since 1978 doesn't mean it is a rare classic. Not EVERY car is a super rare collectible, in fact the reality is none of them are.

You May Have Noticed... This Site Is DEAD AS SHIT!

One of the problems with saving toward a long term goal is it seems like the reality of achieving said goal feels like it will never be. I have long maintained that my goal was to get a 32 ford (fiberglass wannabe since a real one is like forget it) or a factory five Shelby Cobra kit car. Seems simple enough, get a goal and save for it. But then since you don't really think it is ever going to come you "borrow" some money for a kick ass guitar, or you slam a truck into a fence basically taking away all the money you had been getting from a side job for like 2 years.

Long story short, you lose focus. I am still putting money away but when you start thinking that you will be able to get your hotrod around 2018 give or take that sucks. In a moment of weakness I started looking around for other options, a Datsun Fairlady or a VW manx were some of the contenders that popped. Should i just start wheeling and dealing like I do with guitars? just keep buying and selling Until I work my way up? Part of me says yes start wheeling and dealing and having fun with lots of different cars. The other stupid logical part of me says stay the course and get the one you want.

Truthfully there is no real "right" answer. I guess time will tell. I would say I will try to be more dedicated in keeping this site updated but we all know how full of shit that lie would be. I WILL try but you know your wannabe hotrodder is just that, a wannabe.

Now For Some RAT FINK!

I know... it has been like MONTHS AND MONTHS since I posted anything on here. Not sure why, I guess the dog days of saving money for a car I might never get is weighing on me. Lucky for you Dr. Morbius (from our many many podcasts) can't stand watching the tumbleweeds roll by on this slowly dying blog. He sent me these awesome Ed Roth RAT FINK comics... ENJOY!

When All Else Fails.....

HOT ROD CARTOONS!

Well, That Settles That....

So, on Friday I left work and was just cruising along when I see two guys racing it out with fart can Honda Accords. Usually I don't get involved but sometimes I do so I jump on it, drop my S2000 down to 3rd gear and start snapping gears. I rip past them both with ease and kinda ease up on the gas a little to see if they wanna play. Well, they don't both just backed off. So I keep rolling when all of a sudden coming off a highway ramp a new challenger appears. I know I am in TROUBLE with a capital T.

The "Trouble" i am talking about is a very slammed very fast modern super car. I can't even tell you what kind it was other than it was low, fast and made of about 90% carbon fiber. I am not talking about a hacked up civic with the faux carbon fiber wrap... no i am talking about the actual super car made completely of carbon fiber, baby seal tears and thousand dollar bills. So I keep on the throttle, lets see if they wanna play too. Sadly for me, they do.

As I rip past the super car they star running, we are in the front of everyone so I just keep on it. As a rule if there are other cars or we are in a populated area I don't run. Even if I don't care about my well being I am not going to cause harm to an unwilling participant in stupidity. But anyway we are free and clear and it is on like Donkey Kong. I am holding my own pretty good for running a stock 2005 Honda S2000. That is until I hear the growl of the super car's super charger as it kicks in I know I whipped. The mighty exhaust fumes spit out left over horse power and defeat onto my cars windshield as I get a real clear look at the monstrous 24" tires under the beast blasting past me. As we curl over a high overpass curve I see we are both running hard and he isn't even brushing the brakes on this bank curve. I get slightly loose and realize my race is over, I let off and concede. It didn't bother me so much since I was up against a 500k+ car. Win or lose it is always fun to me, I am always wearing a smile and running my best.

In the long run I solved the ancient unsolved mystery... using my "independent study" NO, a stock 2005 Honda S2000 can't beat a 2015 Super Car. And as G.I. Joe has taught us, knowledge is power.

How Many Barns Could There POSSIBLY BE?

So, a while back I first heard the term "Barn Find" and I was like "Wow, that's cool!"
Fast forward a few years and lets just say the Wannabe Hotrodder is a bit more skeptical of the term. Now, by nature I am a very skeptical person. Hell I typeset coupons for a living, disclaimers are in my blood. On the surface the whole premise of a true Barn Find is very interesting and exciting and brings out the inner Indiana Jones in us all. Imagine you happen upon a old forgotten dust filled barn, as the heavy door creaks open the sunlight sends a beam of glory on the time capsule of an unmolested antique car. Almost as if you carry the staff of Ra and you have found THE holy grail of cars (and don't worry, in my mind the car is ALWAYS the worlds greatest find not some run of the mill Nash). Doesn't that just bring a tear to your eye? Sure of course it does! Here is the rub... its all bullshit.

Lets look at the reality of it, barns are the perfect place for rodents, birds, snakes, all kinds of glorious insects and pretty much any other form of wildlife that would like to escape the outside to go. As a youngster I spent many a day slaving away for $1 per hour helping bail hay, barns are just tiny islands of dirt, dust and death. Not exactly a first choice to house an antique car.

Wanna guess the SECOND best place for said beasties to go? Yup, that antique car sitting inside the barn. Just sitting there all full of yummy stuffing and electrical wiring to chew on. At the very least it will be used early and often as the barns rodent outhouse. The other neat fact about cars that sit unused they just kinda rot into themselves. So, regular upkeep and care that everyday cars get from their owners a true "barn find" has been left to rot. They never show any of that on the reality shows created to prop up all this kind of craziness but trust me, a real barn find is going to stink like death and shit and pretty much every single part will be ceased up and total shit.

So why the big ruse by the reality shows and auction houses? What could possibly be the reason for everyone to completely lose their shit at the mere utterance of "Barn Find"? Simple answer is money. Reality shows sell a dream, they show cars being restored in an hour and they relish in the fact that so many viewers will honestly believe that there are incredible glorious rare cars just sitting in every barn across the nation. Might wanna think twice before approaching that farmer, they are often armed and usually drunk. In my opinion your time and money would be much better spend just finding an honest car from an honest hot rod enthusiast. Will it be perfect? Of course not, but there will probably be a lot less rat shit to clean up.

Some cool car toons a Go-Go from Alex Toth

Can you DIG Guess Who A Go-GO?

Epic Road Trip Retrospective

Turbo Lover

Ok, so as mentioned earlier I recently took an epic 10 day road trip. Got to see where Elvis was born, got to hit up a lot of micro Craft Breweries. In total did 10 days, 10 states and 3600 miles (poor poor rental car). I saw a lot and thought a lot, this is what I came away with after time to reflect.

   1) When planning road trips, you need to spend more than one night in each place. At times I didn't even take the travel case off the stupid hotel cart.
   2) When dreaming about escaping the relentless Florida triple digit heat index either plan higher up in the country or plan the trip for later in the year. Lets just say that the awesome car show in Kansas City was actually HOTTER than my home in Clearwater, FL. It made me sad in pants.
   3) Finally one last thing then on to the car show coverage... Road Trips are COOL AS HELL and should be done way more often. If you haven't planned out a road trip that seems implausible and completely foolish then you haven't lived a full life yet.

   Now on to the car and motorcycle stuff, this is after all THE WANNABE HOTRODDER. Main part of this trip was Greaserama 15 ( http://www.greaserama.com  ). This was a very wild and unique event. Being the 15th one they definitely have their shit together. The cars were wicked cool, the people were fun and everything worked. I didn't get to see as many of the bands as I hoped because i was having a car-gasm and also had some heat stroke issues. I will be doing my next post all about Rat Rods. I came away with a lot of thoughts some good and some eh BUT very cool event!
 
  After that, hit up the Wheels Through Time motorcycle museum in Maggie Valley NC ( http://www.wheelsthroughtime.com/ ). What can I say... hundreds of running preserved awesome historic motorcycles. Met the owner and was really blown away by his down to earth outlook. If you can please PLEASE visit and support Wheels Through Time, one of the most awesome places I have been.

  So, both places gave me a ton of joy and helped shape my perspective. I feel like I could go into Wheels Through Time every day for a year and still see and experience something new. If you ever have the ability i would highly recommend both of these events. So, until next time when the WannaBe tackles the whole "Rat Rod" think... drive fast, live life and keep the rubber side down.

So Many Options, So Many Choices... So Much Indecision!

 

When scheming to break into the world of hotrodding how you go about it makes all the difference. See, when shopping for “your hotrod” one way is to just save up some money and go out into the market with an idea of what you like and don’t like. Then you buy a hotrod. Fix it and drive and fix it and drive it, then sell it and wish you hadn’t. That is the most common way people get their hotrods.

I am taking a bit of a different approach. I am trying to narrow down what my goal is long before I make the actual leap into hotrod ownership. By goal I mean like what do I want to do with said hotrod. See, you can buy a car for looks or performance or to show up your neighbor or to get chicks. You can buy a car for just about as many reasons as there are cars, but when it comes to a Hotrod that is often a bit different that just buying a car.

The majority of trouble I have in seeing what my future hotrod is going to be is exactly what the hell is my goal? After driving my current Honda S2000 I can’t see my car having a solid roof anymore. The joy of owning a convertible roadster as a daily driver has forever changed my perception of what is an acceptable car. So first goal is it must be a convertible.

Another major goal is my hotrod has to be FAST. This one is a bit tricky because as eluded to in one of my earlier posts we are in the middle of one of the biggest horsepower wars in history. There are no less than 10 cars being put out right now that are faster than 80% of the “fast hotrods” out there. So how can you aspire to have a super fast hotrod when there are honda Accords out there that routinely smoke older heavier cars. One of the other drawbacks to aspiring to have a FAST hotrod is it is an unattainable goal, you can never be the fastest car out there. There is ALWAYS someone faster. So my goal needs to be realistic. So for my second goal by saying fast I mean, faster than 90% of the common cars out there. Will I be able to beat the crow or the murderstang? No, never but I will be able to put down the next civic with a fart canister muffler that thinks he is a race car driver.

So to review, Goal One needs to be a convertible. Goal Two needs to be fast. The third and final goal I am going to review today is a bit of a sticky situation. I restore a lot of things, old machines and old arcade stuff. After seeing what most people do to their possessions and how they “care for” their stuff I think trying to fix up an old car that has been beaten to shit might be a bit too much for me. I always wanted to buy a running car then work on it as I go to save money but that might not be possible. I am also a bit of a control freak in that I want things done RIGHT! By right I mean by my impossible standards. So that leaves me with buying a high end kit car and building it myself. That is actually the way I am leaning. Top contenders for this are Factory Five’s Shelby Cobra replica or a rolling chassis 1932 ford (there are like a million makers of these). The rub is a kit car is always just gonna be a kit car. But I guess going that route will appease my 3 major goals. But there are still a million options out there, and a million decisions to be made. Until next time, keep the rubber side down!

The Wannabe ULTRA-CUSTOM Hotrodder?

I gotta admit that although I love hotrods my heart truly lies with CUSTOMS. To me George Barris and Ed Roth were gods among men. If I could drive a bubble topped fiberglass spaceship to work every day I would. I have read a great deal about Ed Roth, I seem to have a fascination about him and his work. From going on various forums and websites about hotrods and street rods it became apparent that many in "the car world" hate these. Sad but true.

I talked to just about the only person in my life that likes cars about customs. My friend "murderstang" is about the greatest car builder, fabricator and customizer I have ever met. I asked him "why all the hate toward ultra customs?" Here is what Murderstang thought about it:

Most of their stuff is super out there, almost spaceship like (to me any way). From bubble tops to the super sleek extreme angular cars.  While you don't see many classics like that, Its become huge in the import world. The more crazy your car is the better its received. Check out some of the Veilside body kits they look like something they would created for  what most would consider "today's" future cars

So to kinda go a little deeper into what i was saying. I think the roth and burreas were both trying to make things that no one thought possible. Like "what if" cars.... what if it had no roof or what if it had a rear mount engine. I think that these types of ideas are so extreme to the car culture that a lot of people can't wrap their minds around it. I mean if you were to ask a person or a few people what a mustang looks like, they will have a fairly clear picture and similar answer of what it "should" look like. BUT, ask that same person/people what would a car from the moon look like the answer would be wildly different. In that respect Their styles were almost a love hate and the amount of work to create something that different then anything else makes it impossible for most to duplicate it. Now do I think their style so to speak is dead? No. I think its alive in a new form, imports. Some call it "rice" but there are others who love it. The kits can make a standard rx7 or honda look like something that came from an anime flick. And with todays tech its no the small fortune it'd take to completely chop and channel a classic muscle car. Personally I think some of the stuff coming out of Japan is a little, lets say "whacky" but some are down right amazing. I think it invokes the same emotion of "what if" that most other car genres have lean away from.

Thanks to Murderstang for rapping with me about my custom car lust. To me they represent all that a car should be. Will I ever get one of these insane custom cars of my own? Probably not, but a man can dream. I guess that's what makes me the Eternal WannaBe Hotrodder.