Well, That Settles That....

So, on Friday I left work and was just cruising along when I see two guys racing it out with fart can Honda Accords. Usually I don't get involved but sometimes I do so I jump on it, drop my S2000 down to 3rd gear and start snapping gears. I rip past them both with ease and kinda ease up on the gas a little to see if they wanna play. Well, they don't both just backed off. So I keep rolling when all of a sudden coming off a highway ramp a new challenger appears. I know I am in TROUBLE with a capital T.

The "Trouble" i am talking about is a very slammed very fast modern super car. I can't even tell you what kind it was other than it was low, fast and made of about 90% carbon fiber. I am not talking about a hacked up civic with the faux carbon fiber wrap... no i am talking about the actual super car made completely of carbon fiber, baby seal tears and thousand dollar bills. So I keep on the throttle, lets see if they wanna play too. Sadly for me, they do.

As I rip past the super car they star running, we are in the front of everyone so I just keep on it. As a rule if there are other cars or we are in a populated area I don't run. Even if I don't care about my well being I am not going to cause harm to an unwilling participant in stupidity. But anyway we are free and clear and it is on like Donkey Kong. I am holding my own pretty good for running a stock 2005 Honda S2000. That is until I hear the growl of the super car's super charger as it kicks in I know I whipped. The mighty exhaust fumes spit out left over horse power and defeat onto my cars windshield as I get a real clear look at the monstrous 24" tires under the beast blasting past me. As we curl over a high overpass curve I see we are both running hard and he isn't even brushing the brakes on this bank curve. I get slightly loose and realize my race is over, I let off and concede. It didn't bother me so much since I was up against a 500k+ car. Win or lose it is always fun to me, I am always wearing a smile and running my best.

In the long run I solved the ancient unsolved mystery... using my "independent study" NO, a stock 2005 Honda S2000 can't beat a 2015 Super Car. And as G.I. Joe has taught us, knowledge is power.

How Many Barns Could There POSSIBLY BE?

So, a while back I first heard the term "Barn Find" and I was like "Wow, that's cool!"
Fast forward a few years and lets just say the Wannabe Hotrodder is a bit more skeptical of the term. Now, by nature I am a very skeptical person. Hell I typeset coupons for a living, disclaimers are in my blood. On the surface the whole premise of a true Barn Find is very interesting and exciting and brings out the inner Indiana Jones in us all. Imagine you happen upon a old forgotten dust filled barn, as the heavy door creaks open the sunlight sends a beam of glory on the time capsule of an unmolested antique car. Almost as if you carry the staff of Ra and you have found THE holy grail of cars (and don't worry, in my mind the car is ALWAYS the worlds greatest find not some run of the mill Nash). Doesn't that just bring a tear to your eye? Sure of course it does! Here is the rub... its all bullshit.

Lets look at the reality of it, barns are the perfect place for rodents, birds, snakes, all kinds of glorious insects and pretty much any other form of wildlife that would like to escape the outside to go. As a youngster I spent many a day slaving away for $1 per hour helping bail hay, barns are just tiny islands of dirt, dust and death. Not exactly a first choice to house an antique car.

Wanna guess the SECOND best place for said beasties to go? Yup, that antique car sitting inside the barn. Just sitting there all full of yummy stuffing and electrical wiring to chew on. At the very least it will be used early and often as the barns rodent outhouse. The other neat fact about cars that sit unused they just kinda rot into themselves. So, regular upkeep and care that everyday cars get from their owners a true "barn find" has been left to rot. They never show any of that on the reality shows created to prop up all this kind of craziness but trust me, a real barn find is going to stink like death and shit and pretty much every single part will be ceased up and total shit.

So why the big ruse by the reality shows and auction houses? What could possibly be the reason for everyone to completely lose their shit at the mere utterance of "Barn Find"? Simple answer is money. Reality shows sell a dream, they show cars being restored in an hour and they relish in the fact that so many viewers will honestly believe that there are incredible glorious rare cars just sitting in every barn across the nation. Might wanna think twice before approaching that farmer, they are often armed and usually drunk. In my opinion your time and money would be much better spend just finding an honest car from an honest hot rod enthusiast. Will it be perfect? Of course not, but there will probably be a lot less rat shit to clean up.

Wannabe Hotrods Excuses Excuses Excuses

Finally got back to laying under that beast of a Nissan Pickup. Lets just say that the "record breaking" temperatures that I heard about on my local TV station day in and day out severely stunted my front end repairs. I am thankful to get back on track... but part of me thinks I might not be able to cut the mustard in the Hot Rod world. What am I talking about? let me explain....

I am not sure if I have what it takes to build a hot rod frame up, that is thousands of hours and probably hundreds of problems. I let that truck front end replacement that should by all accounts have taken me MAYBE 2 weekends end up taking me months! Now there were many things that kept me from getting out there but those are all just bullshit excuses. Reality is I lacked the motivation to get my lazy ass up and get laying under the truck. So how am I going to build a bad ass hotrod? Good question!

In my defense mustering up the desire to work on a Nissan Pickup in the dead of summer while grieving the loss of my father is quite a bit different than wrenching on a 32 highboy or building up a kit shelby cobra. Right? Maybe, but maybe not. The country is filled with garages housing cars that were ripped apart and left laying in pieces never to see the light of day again. Hell, my first attempt when I was a kid ended just that way (see blog post like 1 or 2 or something like that). I am a much different person than I was back then... or am I?

I will say one thing I do very VERY well is fix things. Without sounding arrogant I am pretty sure I restore things very close to the level of Ricks Restorations (see reality TV show that may or may not still be on the air, great show but like all reality shows got a bit to goofy focusing on shenanigans and taking away from the awesome work being done). That is what makes me think my best course of action will be to get a running driving car and just restore it section by section. But after years of cleaning up and fixing what others have done to the machines I restore I would be lying if I didn't say I would be apprehensive. I got so tired of fixing broken pinball machines I bought one new from the factory just so I could see what it is like to have a machine that is actually CARED for, it is glorious. So maybe a Factory Five kit car is the way to go. Sadly this debate will not end here but I do have major concerns about my gumption, my drive, my sticktoitiveness! The last thing this world needs is another beautiful Hot Rod rotting away in a garage with shit piled all over it. THAT I cannot create, so what am I gonna be? Builder or a Loser?

Some cool car toons a Go-Go from Alex Toth

Can you DIG Guess Who A Go-GO?

It's All Fun And Games Until A Fence Jumps In Front Of Your Truck

 

Windmills of my mind

So, if you follow this blog you know I am saving money toward a hotrod (hence the name WANNABE Hotrodder). I am lucky in that I have a regular job and also pick up work from time to time with a local video crew. It is a very cool job that lets me film concerts and the likes. I put all that money away into a fund for my hotrod. It is what they call a "long term goal" I also put away any extra money from buying and selling things, hustling for a dollar.

Recently I took a job taking a van with a huge video screen in the back to a venue like a portable jumbotron. Well, i clipped a brand new chain link fence on the way to the job, took a corner too hard and CRUNCH! Did some damage to the truck but I was WAY lucky in that it didn't ruin the generator or LCD screens. In a massive freak out I managed to get enough help to pull the bar out of the truck side and get to the job. I was embarrassed and angry and upset at myself but as long as the job goes off things will be okay. So, my boss and the owner of the truck were super cool about it (no... they don't read this, being very sincere). Long story short I need to fix the fence and fix the truck and move on in life.

Yesterday the invoice for the fence comes in... $1,265! My heart sunk, this means my long fought hotrod fund will be taking a major hit. Plus I still have more coming for the truck fix. At this point I need to take a very long hard look at if I should even continue? If I am just spinning and spinning never getting ahead then what is the point. Do I take some shit job as a part time stock boy? Do I just keep plugging away or do I abandon my dreams of owning a hotrod all together. I don't know the answer to this question right now. The embarrassing mess is still to fresh and stingy in my brain.

It is my fault and I always own up to my messes, I hit the fence and messed up a truck. The last thing I will ever do is blame others or try to shirk my responsibilities. I am very fortunate my boss and the truck owner are as cool as they are. I definitely will count my blessings but I need to take a shot and a beer or 8 to wash down this shit sandwich and really take a long hard look at what I want. Only time will tell. In the mean time, if you happen to find yourself driving a panel truck would you do the Wannabe Hotrodder a favor and ease up on the cornering... the fence companies are rich enough.

Lets Follow Along With Our Hotrod Idol The UNDERTAKER!

The 900 Pound Rusty Gorilla In The Room

 

Rust In PEACE

Okay, as noted my last entry we need to talk about the current trend to take over the hotrod world... RAT RODS. Now, I beg you gentle reader please realize my opinions are not meant to be hurtful or flame worthy. Just my observations as seen through my little pea brain and expounded through the garbage heap that is the internet.

Greaserama car show in Kansas City last month really filled my veins with gasoline and lit the fire under my butt to get working on my hotrod plan. To be fair the "Hotrod Plan" consists of me saving money to buy a hot rod but "hotrod plan" sounds a bit more cool. The other thing I took away from the trip was although Rat Rods are very cool, much like everything else too much of a good thing kinda becomes a bad thing. What? has the wannabe hotrodder lost his mind? Please... read on...

For many many years car shows were basically fields upon fields filled to the brim with super shiny trailer queen cars that were basically kept behind glass. With sign after sign warning the attendee to not touch said trailer queen. That might float for a one of a kind Ferrari or Super Bee that truly is rare, please don't touch my "rare" 1967 Mustang not so much. Not hating on Mustangs but as I pointed out a few posts ago I am pretty sure you got a free Mustang with a large slurpee purchase in 1967. So as with most things the absurd brings a backlash. So much like punk music came along to murder disco, rat rods came along to murder the trailer queen. Just as punk then itself became the bloated joke of itself so too has "Rat Rods."

The first time one lays eyes on a true rusty ass wicked cool rolling work of art Rat Rod it turns your brain upside down. They are cooler than the other side of the pillow... from the cliche Jack Daniels radiator overflow bottle to the Pabst Blue Ribbon shift they are wacky cool fun. You walk away from that first exposure realizing you have been told a lie and hot rods can be unique and different and they don't always have to be perfect with that little time out dummy leaning against the overly shiny chrome bumper. The first exposure to a Rat Rod excited the car lover and changes your perspective. Fast forward a couple years and you start to realize that first Rat Rod you saw wasn't that innovative and was in fact bound by its own subset of rules for it to be "cool."

My hope is that the market re-adjusts itself back again but lands right in the middle. See, I dream of a world in which you can have a nice shiny hot rod AND drive it too. Imagine that world everyone, you can make a car fast and loud AND not worry about keeping it pristine. That is the happy medium, a car can be beat up and rusty and still be cool but creating fake patina or purposely wrecking something to make it look old and destroyed on purpose is kinda the same as buying a "relic'ed guitar" the hand made scars are fake corporate bullshit conceived to sell an image.

So for the sake of the hotrod world and car lovers everywhere... build your car and do the best you can. If your car gets a dent or scratch so be it, show your scars with pride but please don't ruin your car for a fad. Fads are cheap and soul-less.

Epic Road Trip Retrospective

Turbo Lover

Ok, so as mentioned earlier I recently took an epic 10 day road trip. Got to see where Elvis was born, got to hit up a lot of micro Craft Breweries. In total did 10 days, 10 states and 3600 miles (poor poor rental car). I saw a lot and thought a lot, this is what I came away with after time to reflect.

   1) When planning road trips, you need to spend more than one night in each place. At times I didn't even take the travel case off the stupid hotel cart.
   2) When dreaming about escaping the relentless Florida triple digit heat index either plan higher up in the country or plan the trip for later in the year. Lets just say that the awesome car show in Kansas City was actually HOTTER than my home in Clearwater, FL. It made me sad in pants.
   3) Finally one last thing then on to the car show coverage... Road Trips are COOL AS HELL and should be done way more often. If you haven't planned out a road trip that seems implausible and completely foolish then you haven't lived a full life yet.

   Now on to the car and motorcycle stuff, this is after all THE WANNABE HOTRODDER. Main part of this trip was Greaserama 15 ( http://www.greaserama.com  ). This was a very wild and unique event. Being the 15th one they definitely have their shit together. The cars were wicked cool, the people were fun and everything worked. I didn't get to see as many of the bands as I hoped because i was having a car-gasm and also had some heat stroke issues. I will be doing my next post all about Rat Rods. I came away with a lot of thoughts some good and some eh BUT very cool event!
 
  After that, hit up the Wheels Through Time motorcycle museum in Maggie Valley NC ( http://www.wheelsthroughtime.com/ ). What can I say... hundreds of running preserved awesome historic motorcycles. Met the owner and was really blown away by his down to earth outlook. If you can please PLEASE visit and support Wheels Through Time, one of the most awesome places I have been.

  So, both places gave me a ton of joy and helped shape my perspective. I feel like I could go into Wheels Through Time every day for a year and still see and experience something new. If you ever have the ability i would highly recommend both of these events. So, until next time when the WannaBe tackles the whole "Rat Rod" think... drive fast, live life and keep the rubber side down.

Why Velocity Channel WHY?

   So, I love the Velocity Channel but this weeks Wannabe Hotrodder installment is gonna have to rail against them. The Velocity Channel is a car guys cream dream but as of late I am a bit confused. See, there seems to be a very disturbing trend on the channel, they seem to relish in showing me glorious European roadsters from the 50s and 60s. Show after show dedicated to bringing me barn finds and auction house “deals” of multimillion dollar ferrari and lamborghini. Now, these truly are wonderful cars and have their place in auto history but, and this is a HUGE BUT, I don’t need every singe program to show me all these glorious million dollar cars that I could never own. More and more of the channels programming seems to be leaning toward this and I am not quite sure why? There are tons and TONS of awesome incredible custom cars and hotrods and all kinds of American automobiles that could be part of their programming.
    I don’t want this to be misconstrued as a knock against all those awesome technological marvels. They are freakin’ insanely awesome cars that most any car lover would be thrilled to own. The fact of the matter is I could take all the money that my entire family blood line has and will make for all time and that still wouldn’t be able to buy one, so why am I being shown these cars? I am this channels key demographic. Do they want me to like strive to be able to buy one? I can’t, and even if I did have the money I wouldn’t buy one because that kind of extravagant spending it ludicrous. So what is the end game of the programming? Do they set out to just make their viewers feel like crap? That doesn’t seem like sound programming.
   I guess in the end I just want the Velocity Channel to survive. I love it, and I hope it can stay relevant. Because I fear if it stays on its current trajectory it will fall the way of TechTV and the dodo bird. Just a distant memory of what could have been. Now show us some god damn muscle cars that the common man can relate to already!!!!

So Many Options, So Many Choices... So Much Indecision!

 

When scheming to break into the world of hotrodding how you go about it makes all the difference. See, when shopping for “your hotrod” one way is to just save up some money and go out into the market with an idea of what you like and don’t like. Then you buy a hotrod. Fix it and drive and fix it and drive it, then sell it and wish you hadn’t. That is the most common way people get their hotrods.

I am taking a bit of a different approach. I am trying to narrow down what my goal is long before I make the actual leap into hotrod ownership. By goal I mean like what do I want to do with said hotrod. See, you can buy a car for looks or performance or to show up your neighbor or to get chicks. You can buy a car for just about as many reasons as there are cars, but when it comes to a Hotrod that is often a bit different that just buying a car.

The majority of trouble I have in seeing what my future hotrod is going to be is exactly what the hell is my goal? After driving my current Honda S2000 I can’t see my car having a solid roof anymore. The joy of owning a convertible roadster as a daily driver has forever changed my perception of what is an acceptable car. So first goal is it must be a convertible.

Another major goal is my hotrod has to be FAST. This one is a bit tricky because as eluded to in one of my earlier posts we are in the middle of one of the biggest horsepower wars in history. There are no less than 10 cars being put out right now that are faster than 80% of the “fast hotrods” out there. So how can you aspire to have a super fast hotrod when there are honda Accords out there that routinely smoke older heavier cars. One of the other drawbacks to aspiring to have a FAST hotrod is it is an unattainable goal, you can never be the fastest car out there. There is ALWAYS someone faster. So my goal needs to be realistic. So for my second goal by saying fast I mean, faster than 90% of the common cars out there. Will I be able to beat the crow or the murderstang? No, never but I will be able to put down the next civic with a fart canister muffler that thinks he is a race car driver.

So to review, Goal One needs to be a convertible. Goal Two needs to be fast. The third and final goal I am going to review today is a bit of a sticky situation. I restore a lot of things, old machines and old arcade stuff. After seeing what most people do to their possessions and how they “care for” their stuff I think trying to fix up an old car that has been beaten to shit might be a bit too much for me. I always wanted to buy a running car then work on it as I go to save money but that might not be possible. I am also a bit of a control freak in that I want things done RIGHT! By right I mean by my impossible standards. So that leaves me with buying a high end kit car and building it myself. That is actually the way I am leaning. Top contenders for this are Factory Five’s Shelby Cobra replica or a rolling chassis 1932 ford (there are like a million makers of these). The rub is a kit car is always just gonna be a kit car. But I guess going that route will appease my 3 major goals. But there are still a million options out there, and a million decisions to be made. Until next time, keep the rubber side down!

Sometimes Things Change

I have been counting the days until the Labor Day Weekend Greaserama Punk Rock car show ever since I discovered last years too late to attend. I had never heard of Greaserama before but upon unearthing its glory I couldn't wait!

I built my entire vacation this year around the greaserama event. It will be an epic roadtrip starting from Clearwater Florida, spending a day in Tupelo Mississippi to honor the king then off to Greaserama. I love hotrods, I love Punk Music and I love everything about this event. I know I will have fun there but I am a bit suspicious that if I'm not careful I might gain clarity from this road trip also. As you might have guessed from some of my other posts my Wannabe Hotrod dreams are as varied as can be. There are a few contenders that are always present but maybe just maybe this zig zagging trip will give me clarity and direction. Will seeing all the pre-1965 bad ass hotrods influence my future? Maybe. How could it not?

After the Greaserama festival it is off to St. Louis, then Nashville, then Louisville... then finally Ashville as I have been dying to see the Wheels Through Time motorcycle museum from the "what's in the barn" television show. It would be pretty cool to meet Dale. So the road trip will have cars and motorcycles and Elvis and baseball bats and a crap ton of record shop and microbrew stops along the way. Rented a big ass lincoln for the trip... just counting the days until I see America and hopefully gain some much needed clarity. Mostly just gonna meet some cool hotrodders and enjoy the ride. Anything else will just be a bonus. See you soon Los Punk Rods!

The Wannabe ULTRA-CUSTOM Hotrodder?

I gotta admit that although I love hotrods my heart truly lies with CUSTOMS. To me George Barris and Ed Roth were gods among men. If I could drive a bubble topped fiberglass spaceship to work every day I would. I have read a great deal about Ed Roth, I seem to have a fascination about him and his work. From going on various forums and websites about hotrods and street rods it became apparent that many in "the car world" hate these. Sad but true.

I talked to just about the only person in my life that likes cars about customs. My friend "murderstang" is about the greatest car builder, fabricator and customizer I have ever met. I asked him "why all the hate toward ultra customs?" Here is what Murderstang thought about it:

Most of their stuff is super out there, almost spaceship like (to me any way). From bubble tops to the super sleek extreme angular cars.  While you don't see many classics like that, Its become huge in the import world. The more crazy your car is the better its received. Check out some of the Veilside body kits they look like something they would created for  what most would consider "today's" future cars

So to kinda go a little deeper into what i was saying. I think the roth and burreas were both trying to make things that no one thought possible. Like "what if" cars.... what if it had no roof or what if it had a rear mount engine. I think that these types of ideas are so extreme to the car culture that a lot of people can't wrap their minds around it. I mean if you were to ask a person or a few people what a mustang looks like, they will have a fairly clear picture and similar answer of what it "should" look like. BUT, ask that same person/people what would a car from the moon look like the answer would be wildly different. In that respect Their styles were almost a love hate and the amount of work to create something that different then anything else makes it impossible for most to duplicate it. Now do I think their style so to speak is dead? No. I think its alive in a new form, imports. Some call it "rice" but there are others who love it. The kits can make a standard rx7 or honda look like something that came from an anime flick. And with todays tech its no the small fortune it'd take to completely chop and channel a classic muscle car. Personally I think some of the stuff coming out of Japan is a little, lets say "whacky" but some are down right amazing. I think it invokes the same emotion of "what if" that most other car genres have lean away from.

Thanks to Murderstang for rapping with me about my custom car lust. To me they represent all that a car should be. Will I ever get one of these insane custom cars of my own? Probably not, but a man can dream. I guess that's what makes me the Eternal WannaBe Hotrodder.

You can’t see the forest for the trees

Not gonna lie, it's been hard to focus on things since the passing of my father. Hard to see the future, hard to make a decisive plan, hard to care. The good thing is my hot rod fund is set to automatically pull money from each check into it without my intervention which is a plus because I have been in a funk. I try to visit sites and keep reading about Roth and the monthly hotrod magazine but I haven't wrenched on anything for a few months. I know I have to get off my lazy ass and get back to what I love but it is hard. I know it will come, it isn't something that can be forced.

I was reading a long thread on a different site that posed "what is a hotrod" and being the internet the answers ranged from Troll bait to logical. I have to admit I never thought about it, my child eyes vision of a "hotrod" is anything that has been modified to be faster or "hotrodded." The vast majority seem to say any supped up car that is Pre-WWII is a "real hotrod." Not quite sure where or why that would be the determining factor but most of the clan nodded and said yup that's the real truth.

This does bring up a flaw in my conscious or personality, I never ever care about the sub-genre within a genre. To me metal music is metal music, don't need the 78 million sub-genre of Norwegian scream core... metal is metal. So when posed with the "what is a hotrod" topic I was like anything faster than stock. Boy am I naive, to a fault. Long story short when you are reading this blog please know that my definition of a Hotrod is pretty much any car made faster. In my world pretty much anything can be hotrodded if you invest stupid amounts of money for no reason other than to say "mine is faster" then it's a hotrod.

Make A Model Or Buy A Model?

So, as i trudge along in my tiny pea brain mulling over what will turn me from WANNABE Hotrodder to an ACTUAL Hotrodder a couple prime candidates continually pop into the first few spots. Obviously to right the wrongs of my past a 1969 Pontiac Firebird comes up in the top 5 picks. The 2 that continually flip flop between the top and the second spot are a 1965 Cobra Replica and a 1932 Hi-boy Ford Roadster.

One of the problems with both of these choices is they would have to be KIT CARS. If you don't know what that is please casually look slightly above this sentence to the pile of parts in the image above, not imagine those are sitting on the floor in front of you. BAM, that's a kit car. It is basically a model car in life size form that you can like drive when you are done. There are numerous pros and cons to a kit car... lets look at them shall we? Sure, why not.

I would love to own a steel bodied 1932 ford or a true 1965 Shelby cobra but as reviewed in one of my earlier posts I didn't see any uncashed million dollar checks in my name laying around so that is out. I had originally figured on buying someone else's running driving car then just fixing and customizing as I go. That is a very nice economically sound way to do it, gets me into a car for less money. Biggest problem with that plan is I am a bit of a fussy control freak that needs everything to be perfect or it is completely wrong. That is still not out of the question but I need to be sure the project is right for me.

My other choice is to go with a brand new kit car from a really good maker and build it myself. This seems like it would be the best option BUT it would add quite a bit to the hotrod build and most definitely cause me to lose money. It would ensure that the car would be perfect for me because I would be making every choice every step of the way. One of the biggest issues is at the end of the day, after you drop $30k - $40k+ you have a kit car. No matter how nice, no matter what components are used you have a kit car that commands $18k at best in the used market.

That's the rub, do I want to buy in at the used market price and just fix and drive someone else's kit car? Do I over invest and build my own kit car or do I buy an actual car from an actual car company and make a hotrod? I don't have the answer... this is the part where you have to like turn off your brain and forget what makes sense and follow your heart. Hmmmm... where does my heart lay?

Back In The Saddle Again

I learned a valuable lesson recently, at great personal loss. Last week my father passed away. We were best friends, did a lot of stuff together and shared lots of laughs along the 45 years we shared. Now, I am not going to say we shared hotrods because honestly my father could care less about cars. He was in that 98% of the world that view cars as transportation and nothing more. Where I got my Hot Rod lust is beyond me but I digress....

Upon my fathers passing it dawned on me that I better get my ass in gear because time is fleeting. My father did a lot of awesome stuff in his 74 years on this earth... married to my mother for 51 years, together they raised 2 kids and put them through college. They retired early and traveled the country in a 5th wheel camper working at state parks. He and my mother were vegetarians, did weight lifting and yoga and tried to laugh and share joy every day. They celebrated life and touched everyone they knew. I need to learn from my father, I need to celebrate life and more than that I need to get a plan. They didn't do all this awesome stuff by "winging it" they saved and planned and did whatever they needed to get where they wanted to go. I need to learn from my parents and make sure that I get where I need to go sooner rather than later!

At this point you might be saying to yourself... what the hell does any of this have to do with being a Wannabe Hot Rodder? Everything, and nothing. It means I need to get that hotrod I am pining for and I need to get it NOW. It means I need to knock down the barriers and ensure that I do all the little stupid things in the way of getting said Hot Rod. It means I personally need to never ever put something off, as putting off means it may never come. So, in honor of my father whom I love and care for dearly I am pulling up my boot straps and kicking as much ass as I can every moment of every day. He was a great man, and I need to ensure that I honor his teachings and become a great man. Come hell or high water, the wannabe hotrodder will become THE HOTRODDER! Please raise your glass and say a prayer for a fallen hero. My dad - R.I.P. 06/10/2015

To Quote Monty Python... Now For Something COMPLETELY Different!

A partner in crime of mine named "Dr. Morbius" has one of the worlds most popular Blogs. One day we were doing our many various podcasts and I was like " Hey Mang, how do you get so much traffic to your blog?" He said, I have over a thousand posts and it is very heavy with tons of comic book art. I thought and thought until my thinker was sore... then Dr. Morbius sent me some hot rod comic book art. So here is that!

Auctions Continue To Create A World That Doesn't Exsist

So, in case you missed it cars that many of us grew up seeing every day are now made of pure gold. Either gold or unobtanium. Either way they are EXPENSIVE. Well, depending on where you look they are. See, there is a massive disconnect between reality and what television or "TV" might have us believe. Not sure what I am talking about, please let me expound.

When you think of the awesome Detroit steel of the 60s and 70s it raises the hair on the back of your neck. They are big and mean, fast and loud. They are in a word AWESOME. They had wicked names like firebird and mustang and cougar and chevelle... names that evoked passion and desire for bad mistakes and burning tires. Growing up with them they always hovered in the affordable range. I am pretty sure you got a 65 mustang free with a fill up and a large slirpee for a while in the mid-eighties. Detroit made about 78 billion of these bad ass cars so they were always plentiful. The ones that didn't wrap themselves around a telephone pole that is.

Fast forward to the twenty-teens, a time when the 1% walks with impunity and reality television shapes what we think is reality. Dark times man, dark dark times. Sure, it started simple enough. Watching dudes work on stuff and make cool restoration projects. Then we got introduced to "flippers" or low level scavengers that are buying junk and as the old saying goes... polishing a turd. Fair enough, that has been going on forever but what hasn't gone on forever is television creating unrealistic prices. I was watching a super hyped "superbowl of auto auctions" the other week where a richey rich who had been buying up all of hotrod history for a million years decided it was time to flaunt his status and sell everything so we could all bask in his "i am way better than you" cult status. SO, other richey rich types showed up in droves to prove THEY could be that cool and rich too. As a result us common jerks got to watch mustangs sell for hundreds of thousands.

By the time it was over said richey could actually build his own world and live in a different galaxy made entirely of gold. Now, I am not just writing to rail against rich folks... I mean I will but that is not why I am here TODAY. The effect of reality TV creating this superbowl of car pricing is the entire baseline for old muscle cars took a dramatic leap upward. Remember like 2 paragraphs ago when I talked of those "flippers"? Yeah, well now those polished turds cost 10 times more than they did a year ago because every slack jawed yokel watched those shows and were like "I got one of those... so it MUST be worth as much as barrett jackson got."

Bad news, it isn't worth that much. The ones that were sold on that sad day were the absolute top of the top cars created or restored by the best of the best and most were 1 off super rare touched by god editions. So for those of us out there looking, we now have a few years more to save our money. After the flippers lose their asses and get no actual bites on the cars they are trying to get gold for the market will re-adjust back to reality. So just like the housing bubble, the gold bubble and every other made up price increase the muscle car bubble will burst. And when it does I will be there to grab up the prize, until then I will watch and wait.

Hot Rodding A Non-Hotrod?

So, currently I am saving up my meager pennies toward my bad ass hot rod. While I sit and wait I figured why not work on my old 1994 Nissan Pickup. It already has a pretty bad attitude with a hotrod black paint, full moon wheels and a nice throaty exhaust. After consulting with my friend MurderStang about it my choices were sell it, fix it up and drive it or make it a monster. Obviously I am going with option C.

I do need to get some things in order on the truck before the Rodding begins. I fixed a few of the little bothersome things a few weeks back... general maintenance stuff. Then I ordered all new bushings and joints for the front end. That sucker is LOOSE! (insert prostitute joke here if you please). So luckily I waited until Florida reached the temperature of the sun before I decided to do this.

After I get done replacing wore out parts that have no intention of leaving where they called home since 1994 the suspension will be tight, the paint and body mean and nasty looking and the interior... eh, it'll do. Last bit of tidy up I will need to get the top end worked over. I would pull the motor completely but I am going to try to cheap out. See, me and MurderStang have developed a dubious plot of bolting a turbo on the old Nissan. Should make a tidy little sleeper with another 100+ HP under the hood.

I am looking forward to it, I have been with this truck since 1995 and have grown quite fond of it. Making it a bad contender will be great. I had thought about ripping it out and going the SBC route but that is a bit ambitious and probably at that point would not even be used as a truck anymore. So until the top and turbo tails get into place I best be keeping my eye on the temp and drinking lots of gatoraide until I can get these god damn control arm bushings out of this god damn front end.

until next time... Wannabe Hotrodder OUT!

R.E.S.P.E.C.T... find out what it means to me?

 

Respect

So, as I have discussed before the reason for my hotrod lust re-awakening is my current car. A few years ago I got a Honda S2000 and my "need for speed" has since multiplied a million fold. One of the things that has completely changed is my outlook about hotrods and what makes a "fast car." Growing up in the 70s and 80s meant that the only cars that truly got respect were muscle cars. Big loud heavy chunks of glorious steel. So when the tuner craze hit I pretty much laughed it off and gave it no respect. My opinion has changed dramatically as I now more a "tuner" than I am a "hotrodder."

when I bought my S2000 I did not even realize it was a fast car. I liked the convertible top and since riding a motorcycle in Florida is the same as drunkenly playing Russian roulette I grabbed the next best thing. As I learned how to drive the car and realized the power it has at the higher revving end of the tach I realized what all the Tuner hoopla was all about. Then I fell in love!

For those reading and wondering to themselves... what in the blue hell is this fool talking about? Let me explain. Tuners (for the most part) live in the high revving part of the spectrum to best get maximum power. Where a big block chevy or ford can slap gears in the 5500 range and be flying little light tuner cars like my S2k shoot like a bullet around the 6500 - 8000 range. When I drive it shifting in the normal 3500 to 4500 range it is just a nimble little honda. When i let it scream it is hard to beat.

On my average drive to and from work I am just a regular jerk driving my Honda. About 3 - 4 times per week I am messed with either by another tuner or by a hotrod trying to show off. To be sure I have gotten blasted from time to time and sometimes I am too damn tired and just let it go. More often than not I smash the other car, especially if it is a hotrod. They are just too damn heavy to keep up. Perfect example a couple days ago, a early to mid-eighties malibu with loud pipes starts getting twitchy at a light. I can hear it is a 305 chevy small block from the pipes so i know this guy has no chance if I run him. I let it go until he spins his tires then it is on... I rip thought 1st and 2nd but going light RPM to give the poor chump false hope, then I drop the hammer and rip by him in 4th gear. I still had 2 gears left as his headlights dimmed in the rear view mirror.

That is when I realized I had better build one hell of a hotrod otherwise I will get NO R.E.S.P.E.C.T!

More fads than you can detect with a fad detecting fad machine!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pt_zum97kjE

This past weekend I went to a Swap Meet / Car Show held at the world famous Don Garlits Museum. I went with a friend we will call MurderStang. MurderStang is an ACTUAL hotrodder not a wannabe like me so he is always a wealth of information and often has awesome ideas and insight. But I digress, as we walked to and fro looking at all the cars and customs it really struck me how deeply the car culture is struck with fads.

There were a ton of really awesome cars at the show. This show was more about honest hard working driving hotrods. So the field filled with a few trailer queens but for the most part well used cars filled the ranks. That is when i noticed the newest soon to be tired fad... the rat rod. Funny thing about hotrods they are really slaves to what is cool. Some are tried and true timeless classics for sure. Never met a 57 Chevy i didn't like. When you see a lot of different cars in these shows it sticks out when a car was built. 

The billet crazy of the 90s, the zz top fueled color-gasms from the 80s and now the patina drenched rat rod craze. I have nothing against all of these movements in the car world, hell I am a wannabe at this point so I have no room to judge. What does weigh heavy in my tiny pea brain is when I finally do get my hotrod and when I do start building and customizing it how do I avoid creating a fad filled car? I don't have the money to build and rebuild a car. Yes, I realize that hotrods command special handling and obviously driving one on a regular basis will require lots of fixing and re-fixing.

I guess it comes down to building a car that is timeless in design and powerful enough to not get pushed around. For me anyway, others will have way different goals. When I think of the cars I drool over getting they all have my flare but don't go overboard.

Wheels seem to be the hardest hit when it comes to fads. The first dead give away to when a car was built is the wheels. Second is the paint, man does paint show fads more than anything! I often think if you paint a car solid color and possibly close to a factory color you are safe. If you start putting stripes and ribbon stripes over ghost flames over pinstriping in neon colors well you might want to just start putting money away for the repaint now. That is part of the problem, custom cars are mostly one-off vehicles built by one person for one person. Judging if it is cool or not should not really come into play but obviously it does. And just because something is cool today does not mean it will be tomorrow. Just ask the guys riding the OCC choppers how much street cred they get. For now I will only dream and scheme, dodging fads and hoping for my hotrod to arrive.

Old = Indestructible

In the world of true hotrodding old detroit steel reigns supreme. That is good, and bad... but mostly good.

At this point you might be wondering why the hell is there a picture of a phone up there with a hyper link to a disturbed song called Indestructible. No, I haven’t completely lost my mind. That image represents everything about modern times and how I see the world. At THIS point you might be thinking okay, he obviously HAS lost his mind and just doesn’t know it yet. Bare with me gentle readers and allow me to expand upon my hypothesis.

See, earlier this morning I dropped my modern smart phone. Upon dropping my phone it broke the screen into a million pieces and became unusable in that it didn’t even have a picture anymore. I had to take the battery out of it to make it stop playing the song I was listening to. The song was Dead Kennedys “Trust Your Mechanic” in case you were wondering. Very solid song by a great old school punk band. It made me think of a time before phones were expensive pieces of glass that had the computing power of god and fit into the palm of everyones hands.
For you younger readers phones used to be heavy black things that sat on a stand or sometimes hung on a wall. They were made of space hardened moon lava and could kill a bear in the event of an attack and they never ever ever stopped being a phone. I would hazard a guess if you went out into the desert just beside where Atari buried all those ET cartridges and dug up where good old Ma Bell buried all of those old black phones they would still work. They were bullet proof, they were indestructible.

Does that make them better than current smart phones? No but yes… so maybe. New smart phones are glorious in that they contain all the answers to everything. You need to quickly establish the firing order of an engine you yanked out of a junk yard it is there. You need to find out what some random idiot thinks about what color you painted your anvil it is there. If you want it to be dependable and durable not so much. New technology is built light and smart but it sacrifices a lot to get there. New phones are a fashion statement and a fad, the cool hip phone you shelled out a crap ton of money to buy will be mocked as junk within 4 months. And as stated above, they are flimsy as hell… weak as a new born fawn.

Phones are like hotrods in that if you want to build up a bad ass hunk of detroit iron it might not be as super smart, slick and light as a new fangled computer driven hellcat. BUT, purchasers of the new hellcat or camaro that is a billion horsepower beware! New cars are plastic shells controlled by computer. Computers fail at just about every turn. Just like a new shiny phone people will drool all over them then toss them aside when the NEW AND IMPROVED BEST THING EVER comes out so too will the new cool cars of today. They are junk. New cars are fast sleek beautiful pieces of disposable shit. That is the way of the world now. Cars can’t be fixed, just replaced.

If you are like me and value things that are made of glass and metal and wood then you don’t have much time for the newest gadget filled plastic boring car of today. They are not useless but they are not going to be there through the thick and thin. They are the same as a disposable razor,used up and tossed away. New things are not built to withstand the test of time, they are there to drive consumerism and stupidity. SO, much like the old black phone that you can dial day in and day out from until the end of time (or until they force you to convert) give me an old metal and steel chunk of detroit cool. It won’t be as smart as a new hellcat, it won’t attract car and drivers top rated blah blah blah of the year. Know what it will do, it will go though hell and back without missing a beat with me. That is worth more to me than words can express… it is priceless.

Does The Car Make The Man?

 

Suicidal Tendencies - Asleep At The Wheel

Okay so the WannaBe Hotrodder has a question for YOU... does the man make the car or does the car make the man? I suffer from wanting to many awesome cars. My dream cars range from a 32 hiboy to a 65 Shelby cobra (replica of course... I am not Bill Gates) to a crazy 70s Fiat Spyder to everything in between. I see so many kick ass hotrods and so much potential, all the while rarely thinking about the image aspect.

My main goal is to have a convertible light fast as hell car that sounds like death is coming with me. That could be about a million cars and that is my problem. For a while I was on an import kick, you know those bad ass Healeys with a nice 350 tucked away to surprise at the line or an MGs from the 50s and 60s? Those are cool but not much different from the import i am running now, just slower. If I drove one of those would I need to wear an ascot like Fred from Scooby Doo?

Then i think about a wicked cool corvette... but do I wanna be "that guy"? I LOVE LOVE LOVE the late 70s early 80s vettes. I think they are styled smooth as silk and run like a bat out of hell. BUT they come at a price, the price is everyone looks at you like you are a big douchebag. And other than a handful of people in this world i am generally NOT considered a douchebag. So can I own a vette and still be me?  Probably not. I don't really have many collars to pop and sadly I left my youth and the 80s long ago.

I already saw a HUGE difference in how I was treated on the road when I switched from my brutal looking hotrod black 1994 nissan D21 pickup that looked like something from Deathrace 2000 to my little roadster. People rarely crowded my back bumper when I drove the truck, they mostly covered the eyes and ears of their children and ran for cover. The S2k is always getting messed with, I often oblige.

I hate having to think about the perception a car puts off but the reality is I do. Now I have to search not only my meager bank account for errant funds but i must also search out my heart and soul for who I am. Who the hell am i anyway? Depends on the day... sometimes i am quiet and reserved, sometimes i am wild and crazy, sometimes I am drunk and rowdy... sometimes i am a strait up loon! I guess only time will tell what my hotrod will say about me, i hope we both do each other proud and "represent" (note the slang usage for "street cred"). So i guess mostly my car should be sarcastic? hmmm... well anyway gentle readers, only time will tell. Being a wannabe leaves the door open for anything. I look forward to new adventures. Come along with me!

JESUS BUILT MY HOTROD!

Hotrods they are a'changing! I have a modest little Honda S2000 daily driver that is pushing around 265 HP. It is my every day drive to work car. It is fast, not like break your back fast but damn fast. It was made in 2005... way back when 265 horsepower sounded impressive. Since then I have seen the average horse power of consumer cars climb and climb. There are freakin' boring ass family cars running 300 HP from the factory. Now, would they beat mine in an honest street race? Probably not as there are about a billion and one things that contribute to who crosses the finish line first and most family cars ain't got em. BUT, with the new technology pushing the boundaries more and more every day hotrods have to be absolute monsters to even get noticed anymore. It is not uncommon for a hotrod to hit 600 - 800 or more horsepower to seem respectable. Hell, my friend Murder Stang is shooting for above 1000 horsepower on his vintage mustang. It is no wonder, Hellcats come stock with 707 hp from the factory and every other major car company is racing (literally) to beat that number.

Hotrods with outrageous horsepower are not surprising as the true hotrod culture has always taken the lightest and fastest and made it part of their car. Some of the purists out there bitch and complain if you bolt anything new on an old car but the harsh reality is hotrodders increase power and speed any way possible. You can keep your "Pre-blah blah blah or nothing" bullshit along with numbers matching and patina. With the modern horsepower war ramping up from all sides how will the garage tree mechanic or wannabe hotrodder keep up? I guess the same way we always have, run what ya brought until you can beg borrow and steal the next performance part. 

So, if you are sitting at the light next to a goofball 4 door accord don't laugh too hard as the kid driving it tachs the engine and cranks up his Skrillex CD. It just might make a fool of you unless you put the pedal all the way to the metal and ride out every gear. In traditional Wannabe fashion I will continue to dream and scheme all the ways my car WILL be the fastest... that is until I own my hotrod and it isn't. Till next time keep the rubber side down and rev it loud.

Swap Meets Ain't What They Used To Be!

 

Beach Boys - 409

So, went with a friend we shall call "Murder Stang" to a local auto swap meet. Both of us were filled with hopes and dreams of finding our every auto whim. Spoiler Alert... we both left disappointed. This was a very grand affair with an auto auction, a "car corral" in which you tried to buy cars directly from the owner and of course row upon row of swap meet goodies.

Here is where my head scratching came into play. It had the usual tables of tools bought from the local Harbor Freight then broken apart and sold per piece for profit. Eh, i gave up that level junk a while ago. Then it had table after table of various odds and ends parts, you know like an oil pan from a 73 pinto and a broken ford mustang emblem. And we all know no auto swap meet would be complete with row upon row of "automobilia." The crate upon crate of common license plates for sale for large sums of money. Gas pumps that cost 5 times as much now than then did back when they were actually selling gas from their nozzles. And various fake reproduction and authentic road signs (like a STOP sign... like from the end of my street and every street in America).

I get it, supply and demand. What i don't get is when did swap meets become like Ebay in that they are a "buy it now - at this set price" style commerce? Olden days of yor people haggled and traded or "SWAPPED" if you will for goods and services. Prices were merely suggestions as to where to start arguing over price. Good times man, those long gone days were good times indeed! Now it is a confusing world of $2k roadrunner gauge clusters and used AC Delco display boxes for $80 each. So much like my fading memories so are the hopes that any auto swap meet will give me my hotrod. Alas i am STILL a wannabe hotrodder, maybe the next swap meet will save me? Nah... but a man can dream.

Some Inspirational Pictures from Big Daddy Don Garlits

Click Picture for Inspirational Music

We took a trip to the Famous Don Garlits Museum a few months ago. Rather than overwhelm with a million pictures I will just be dropping a couple in from time to time to inspire and highlight some of the wicked cool collection they have rocking over there. if you have never been there and live in Florida I would suggest it. Here is a link to the Museum - http://www.garlits.com/

- and yes, that is the wannabe hotrodders big melon in the way of the awesome car in the 3rd shot.
just DROOLING!

Saving For A Hotrod Is A Lot Like A Long Boring Diet!

 

Classic Hot Rod Music to INSPIRE!

   So, saving up for a hotrod is a lot like going on a diet. At the beginning of the diet pounds are falling off and progress is fast. Your mind is filled with thoughts and dreams of activities you are going to be doing and cool clothing you will be fashionably showing off. After a couple weeks, the drudgery sets in. You are still loosing weight but it is much slower and commands a lot more dedication to make even the smallest goal. In your heart you know progress is being made... just not FAST ENOUGH!
  That is EXACTLY what saving your money for a hotrod is like. In the beginning you start the savings and put in a lump of cash, immediately your pea brain starts dreaming of the bad ass 32 hiboy you will be rattling the neighbors windows with. Dreaming of the color scheme that is going to turn heads, dreaming of the huge motor that is gonna crush all those that dare oppose you. But then slowly you realize the winning scratch off is never sold at your grocery store, and the reality of how long you are going to be eating ramen noodles and selling plasma hits you. Each week a little of my check goes into a secondary savings account. Every week i try to sell off something that is just collecting dust and every week I look at the bank account. I take a deep sigh, and get my ass back to work.
  Doing the right thing is tough, but in the long run sticking to a diet and saving up for your dream hotrod might suck in the dog days of summer you just gotta keep your eyes on the sweet sweet honey that awaits. Oh I will be rattling windows, not today or tomorrow... but soon.

Who is the Wannabe Hotrodder?

So here we are... a wannabe hotrodder making a blog.
What is my story? Why am I here? here is my story:

    I was lost, but found my way… hopefully. I am not your typical hot rodder, sadly I fall into the wannabe category but not due to lack of desire or heart. Sadly I strayed from the path and was blind to my true self for many years.

   When I was a young lad of 15 men and women’s hair was big, America looked like a bright neon color-gasm and I had a 1969 Firebird. Truth be told I didn’t DRIVE this glorious example of Detroit muscle I looked at it sit and waste away every day as I jumped on my little Yamaha 80 and drove off to the bus stop. My father was a truck driver and saw this old beast sitting behind an industrial complex getting snow plowed into it as it sat motionless begging for life. He told me about it and I eagerly expressed my joy. I wanted to build the Firebird into an asphalt destroying beast.

   My friend who came from a well to do family just down the street had a 1965 mustang father/son project and I was jealous. See, me and my father were not what you would call “close.” At that time I was a troublesome punk youth and he was a shall we say angry ex-marie truck driver that things weren’t going so well for. SO we butted heads quite often, not that we didn’t love each other it was just teen son versus father stuff that many families endure. Present day we are best friends. But I digress, I knew how to work on cars as we were often laying under $500 beauties in the mud swearing and rigging things to enable us to get to work the next day. But I didn’t  know how to “work on cars.” I loved driving fast and I knew enough knuckle busting to get by but neither of us had the time, money or patients to dedicate to making an engine-less very rough project car a running driving hotrod.

   Time passed, things changed. College and a lovely girlfriend (now my wife) took center stage and the sad old Firebird sat and rusted into a rats nest. My wife and I moved to Florida after college and my parents brought the old car down as I still had the dream of restoring the Firebird. I could still see the beauty hidden behind dust and rust, at times I think I was the only one that could still see the beauty. This time I managed to get an engine running and put it in the car but still didn’t have time, money or true know how to dedicate. Finally dejected and broken hearted I had to part ways with her, it is a realization that to this day stings. That is the way of the world for a wanna-be. Days fly by as cars come and go, the fire and passion of speed gets replaced by modern convenience and tepid grey cars that seem to be powered by boredom. Each car more boring and soul-less as the last.

   Flash forward to 2013, life takes a change. My old truck was feeling its age and I needed to find some wheels. I shop around and find a low mileage well maintained 2005 Honda S2000 roadster. Not a hotrod by any stretch of the imagination but fast, real fast. Slowly like a character from Steven Kings Christine novel my true passion started to take over again. The tire burning speed loving part of me that died all those years ago awoke with a vengeance. Something that had changed was my mind set and my skill set, strangely age provides wisdom and clarity if you let it. Over the years I restored pinball machines and worked with metal blacksmithing and welding in my spare time as hobbies. I invested in high quality tools and learned tricks to help my restoration projects yield better results. I also grew as a person learning to plan and approach things analytically and logically. Finally it clicked in my little pea brain that all the things I WAS missing with my feeble restoration of the Firebird are now part of me and well within my means.

   Every day I read magazines, watch youtube videos and try to learn everything I can. I am the wannabe on the outside looking in, hungry and burning with desire. Every day I squirrel away every cent I can. I am still a wannabe hotrodder driving a car most true hotrodders wouldn’t even spit on but I won’t be soon. The dreams are ever present, my resolve is strong and soon I will have a fire breathing dragon that rattles windows and scares children. So for now, I am a wannabe but not for long.