R.E.S.P.E.C.T... find out what it means to me?

 

Respect

So, as I have discussed before the reason for my hotrod lust re-awakening is my current car. A few years ago I got a Honda S2000 and my "need for speed" has since multiplied a million fold. One of the things that has completely changed is my outlook about hotrods and what makes a "fast car." Growing up in the 70s and 80s meant that the only cars that truly got respect were muscle cars. Big loud heavy chunks of glorious steel. So when the tuner craze hit I pretty much laughed it off and gave it no respect. My opinion has changed dramatically as I now more a "tuner" than I am a "hotrodder."

when I bought my S2000 I did not even realize it was a fast car. I liked the convertible top and since riding a motorcycle in Florida is the same as drunkenly playing Russian roulette I grabbed the next best thing. As I learned how to drive the car and realized the power it has at the higher revving end of the tach I realized what all the Tuner hoopla was all about. Then I fell in love!

For those reading and wondering to themselves... what in the blue hell is this fool talking about? Let me explain. Tuners (for the most part) live in the high revving part of the spectrum to best get maximum power. Where a big block chevy or ford can slap gears in the 5500 range and be flying little light tuner cars like my S2k shoot like a bullet around the 6500 - 8000 range. When I drive it shifting in the normal 3500 to 4500 range it is just a nimble little honda. When i let it scream it is hard to beat.

On my average drive to and from work I am just a regular jerk driving my Honda. About 3 - 4 times per week I am messed with either by another tuner or by a hotrod trying to show off. To be sure I have gotten blasted from time to time and sometimes I am too damn tired and just let it go. More often than not I smash the other car, especially if it is a hotrod. They are just too damn heavy to keep up. Perfect example a couple days ago, a early to mid-eighties malibu with loud pipes starts getting twitchy at a light. I can hear it is a 305 chevy small block from the pipes so i know this guy has no chance if I run him. I let it go until he spins his tires then it is on... I rip thought 1st and 2nd but going light RPM to give the poor chump false hope, then I drop the hammer and rip by him in 4th gear. I still had 2 gears left as his headlights dimmed in the rear view mirror.

That is when I realized I had better build one hell of a hotrod otherwise I will get NO R.E.S.P.E.C.T!

Old = Indestructible

In the world of true hotrodding old detroit steel reigns supreme. That is good, and bad... but mostly good.

At this point you might be wondering why the hell is there a picture of a phone up there with a hyper link to a disturbed song called Indestructible. No, I haven’t completely lost my mind. That image represents everything about modern times and how I see the world. At THIS point you might be thinking okay, he obviously HAS lost his mind and just doesn’t know it yet. Bare with me gentle readers and allow me to expand upon my hypothesis.

See, earlier this morning I dropped my modern smart phone. Upon dropping my phone it broke the screen into a million pieces and became unusable in that it didn’t even have a picture anymore. I had to take the battery out of it to make it stop playing the song I was listening to. The song was Dead Kennedys “Trust Your Mechanic” in case you were wondering. Very solid song by a great old school punk band. It made me think of a time before phones were expensive pieces of glass that had the computing power of god and fit into the palm of everyones hands.
For you younger readers phones used to be heavy black things that sat on a stand or sometimes hung on a wall. They were made of space hardened moon lava and could kill a bear in the event of an attack and they never ever ever stopped being a phone. I would hazard a guess if you went out into the desert just beside where Atari buried all those ET cartridges and dug up where good old Ma Bell buried all of those old black phones they would still work. They were bullet proof, they were indestructible.

Does that make them better than current smart phones? No but yes… so maybe. New smart phones are glorious in that they contain all the answers to everything. You need to quickly establish the firing order of an engine you yanked out of a junk yard it is there. You need to find out what some random idiot thinks about what color you painted your anvil it is there. If you want it to be dependable and durable not so much. New technology is built light and smart but it sacrifices a lot to get there. New phones are a fashion statement and a fad, the cool hip phone you shelled out a crap ton of money to buy will be mocked as junk within 4 months. And as stated above, they are flimsy as hell… weak as a new born fawn.

Phones are like hotrods in that if you want to build up a bad ass hunk of detroit iron it might not be as super smart, slick and light as a new fangled computer driven hellcat. BUT, purchasers of the new hellcat or camaro that is a billion horsepower beware! New cars are plastic shells controlled by computer. Computers fail at just about every turn. Just like a new shiny phone people will drool all over them then toss them aside when the NEW AND IMPROVED BEST THING EVER comes out so too will the new cool cars of today. They are junk. New cars are fast sleek beautiful pieces of disposable shit. That is the way of the world now. Cars can’t be fixed, just replaced.

If you are like me and value things that are made of glass and metal and wood then you don’t have much time for the newest gadget filled plastic boring car of today. They are not useless but they are not going to be there through the thick and thin. They are the same as a disposable razor,used up and tossed away. New things are not built to withstand the test of time, they are there to drive consumerism and stupidity. SO, much like the old black phone that you can dial day in and day out from until the end of time (or until they force you to convert) give me an old metal and steel chunk of detroit cool. It won’t be as smart as a new hellcat, it won’t attract car and drivers top rated blah blah blah of the year. Know what it will do, it will go though hell and back without missing a beat with me. That is worth more to me than words can express… it is priceless.

Does The Car Make The Man?

 

Suicidal Tendencies - Asleep At The Wheel

Okay so the WannaBe Hotrodder has a question for YOU... does the man make the car or does the car make the man? I suffer from wanting to many awesome cars. My dream cars range from a 32 hiboy to a 65 Shelby cobra (replica of course... I am not Bill Gates) to a crazy 70s Fiat Spyder to everything in between. I see so many kick ass hotrods and so much potential, all the while rarely thinking about the image aspect.

My main goal is to have a convertible light fast as hell car that sounds like death is coming with me. That could be about a million cars and that is my problem. For a while I was on an import kick, you know those bad ass Healeys with a nice 350 tucked away to surprise at the line or an MGs from the 50s and 60s? Those are cool but not much different from the import i am running now, just slower. If I drove one of those would I need to wear an ascot like Fred from Scooby Doo?

Then i think about a wicked cool corvette... but do I wanna be "that guy"? I LOVE LOVE LOVE the late 70s early 80s vettes. I think they are styled smooth as silk and run like a bat out of hell. BUT they come at a price, the price is everyone looks at you like you are a big douchebag. And other than a handful of people in this world i am generally NOT considered a douchebag. So can I own a vette and still be me?  Probably not. I don't really have many collars to pop and sadly I left my youth and the 80s long ago.

I already saw a HUGE difference in how I was treated on the road when I switched from my brutal looking hotrod black 1994 nissan D21 pickup that looked like something from Deathrace 2000 to my little roadster. People rarely crowded my back bumper when I drove the truck, they mostly covered the eyes and ears of their children and ran for cover. The S2k is always getting messed with, I often oblige.

I hate having to think about the perception a car puts off but the reality is I do. Now I have to search not only my meager bank account for errant funds but i must also search out my heart and soul for who I am. Who the hell am i anyway? Depends on the day... sometimes i am quiet and reserved, sometimes i am wild and crazy, sometimes I am drunk and rowdy... sometimes i am a strait up loon! I guess only time will tell what my hotrod will say about me, i hope we both do each other proud and "represent" (note the slang usage for "street cred"). So i guess mostly my car should be sarcastic? hmmm... well anyway gentle readers, only time will tell. Being a wannabe leaves the door open for anything. I look forward to new adventures. Come along with me!