Well, That Settles That....

So, on Friday I left work and was just cruising along when I see two guys racing it out with fart can Honda Accords. Usually I don't get involved but sometimes I do so I jump on it, drop my S2000 down to 3rd gear and start snapping gears. I rip past them both with ease and kinda ease up on the gas a little to see if they wanna play. Well, they don't both just backed off. So I keep rolling when all of a sudden coming off a highway ramp a new challenger appears. I know I am in TROUBLE with a capital T.

The "Trouble" i am talking about is a very slammed very fast modern super car. I can't even tell you what kind it was other than it was low, fast and made of about 90% carbon fiber. I am not talking about a hacked up civic with the faux carbon fiber wrap... no i am talking about the actual super car made completely of carbon fiber, baby seal tears and thousand dollar bills. So I keep on the throttle, lets see if they wanna play too. Sadly for me, they do.

As I rip past the super car they star running, we are in the front of everyone so I just keep on it. As a rule if there are other cars or we are in a populated area I don't run. Even if I don't care about my well being I am not going to cause harm to an unwilling participant in stupidity. But anyway we are free and clear and it is on like Donkey Kong. I am holding my own pretty good for running a stock 2005 Honda S2000. That is until I hear the growl of the super car's super charger as it kicks in I know I whipped. The mighty exhaust fumes spit out left over horse power and defeat onto my cars windshield as I get a real clear look at the monstrous 24" tires under the beast blasting past me. As we curl over a high overpass curve I see we are both running hard and he isn't even brushing the brakes on this bank curve. I get slightly loose and realize my race is over, I let off and concede. It didn't bother me so much since I was up against a 500k+ car. Win or lose it is always fun to me, I am always wearing a smile and running my best.

In the long run I solved the ancient unsolved mystery... using my "independent study" NO, a stock 2005 Honda S2000 can't beat a 2015 Super Car. And as G.I. Joe has taught us, knowledge is power.

How Many Barns Could There POSSIBLY BE?

So, a while back I first heard the term "Barn Find" and I was like "Wow, that's cool!"
Fast forward a few years and lets just say the Wannabe Hotrodder is a bit more skeptical of the term. Now, by nature I am a very skeptical person. Hell I typeset coupons for a living, disclaimers are in my blood. On the surface the whole premise of a true Barn Find is very interesting and exciting and brings out the inner Indiana Jones in us all. Imagine you happen upon a old forgotten dust filled barn, as the heavy door creaks open the sunlight sends a beam of glory on the time capsule of an unmolested antique car. Almost as if you carry the staff of Ra and you have found THE holy grail of cars (and don't worry, in my mind the car is ALWAYS the worlds greatest find not some run of the mill Nash). Doesn't that just bring a tear to your eye? Sure of course it does! Here is the rub... its all bullshit.

Lets look at the reality of it, barns are the perfect place for rodents, birds, snakes, all kinds of glorious insects and pretty much any other form of wildlife that would like to escape the outside to go. As a youngster I spent many a day slaving away for $1 per hour helping bail hay, barns are just tiny islands of dirt, dust and death. Not exactly a first choice to house an antique car.

Wanna guess the SECOND best place for said beasties to go? Yup, that antique car sitting inside the barn. Just sitting there all full of yummy stuffing and electrical wiring to chew on. At the very least it will be used early and often as the barns rodent outhouse. The other neat fact about cars that sit unused they just kinda rot into themselves. So, regular upkeep and care that everyday cars get from their owners a true "barn find" has been left to rot. They never show any of that on the reality shows created to prop up all this kind of craziness but trust me, a real barn find is going to stink like death and shit and pretty much every single part will be ceased up and total shit.

So why the big ruse by the reality shows and auction houses? What could possibly be the reason for everyone to completely lose their shit at the mere utterance of "Barn Find"? Simple answer is money. Reality shows sell a dream, they show cars being restored in an hour and they relish in the fact that so many viewers will honestly believe that there are incredible glorious rare cars just sitting in every barn across the nation. Might wanna think twice before approaching that farmer, they are often armed and usually drunk. In my opinion your time and money would be much better spend just finding an honest car from an honest hot rod enthusiast. Will it be perfect? Of course not, but there will probably be a lot less rat shit to clean up.

Wannabe Hotrods Excuses Excuses Excuses

Finally got back to laying under that beast of a Nissan Pickup. Lets just say that the "record breaking" temperatures that I heard about on my local TV station day in and day out severely stunted my front end repairs. I am thankful to get back on track... but part of me thinks I might not be able to cut the mustard in the Hot Rod world. What am I talking about? let me explain....

I am not sure if I have what it takes to build a hot rod frame up, that is thousands of hours and probably hundreds of problems. I let that truck front end replacement that should by all accounts have taken me MAYBE 2 weekends end up taking me months! Now there were many things that kept me from getting out there but those are all just bullshit excuses. Reality is I lacked the motivation to get my lazy ass up and get laying under the truck. So how am I going to build a bad ass hotrod? Good question!

In my defense mustering up the desire to work on a Nissan Pickup in the dead of summer while grieving the loss of my father is quite a bit different than wrenching on a 32 highboy or building up a kit shelby cobra. Right? Maybe, but maybe not. The country is filled with garages housing cars that were ripped apart and left laying in pieces never to see the light of day again. Hell, my first attempt when I was a kid ended just that way (see blog post like 1 or 2 or something like that). I am a much different person than I was back then... or am I?

I will say one thing I do very VERY well is fix things. Without sounding arrogant I am pretty sure I restore things very close to the level of Ricks Restorations (see reality TV show that may or may not still be on the air, great show but like all reality shows got a bit to goofy focusing on shenanigans and taking away from the awesome work being done). That is what makes me think my best course of action will be to get a running driving car and just restore it section by section. But after years of cleaning up and fixing what others have done to the machines I restore I would be lying if I didn't say I would be apprehensive. I got so tired of fixing broken pinball machines I bought one new from the factory just so I could see what it is like to have a machine that is actually CARED for, it is glorious. So maybe a Factory Five kit car is the way to go. Sadly this debate will not end here but I do have major concerns about my gumption, my drive, my sticktoitiveness! The last thing this world needs is another beautiful Hot Rod rotting away in a garage with shit piled all over it. THAT I cannot create, so what am I gonna be? Builder or a Loser?

Some cool car toons a Go-Go from Alex Toth

Can you DIG Guess Who A Go-GO?

It's All Fun And Games Until A Fence Jumps In Front Of Your Truck

 

Windmills of my mind

So, if you follow this blog you know I am saving money toward a hotrod (hence the name WANNABE Hotrodder). I am lucky in that I have a regular job and also pick up work from time to time with a local video crew. It is a very cool job that lets me film concerts and the likes. I put all that money away into a fund for my hotrod. It is what they call a "long term goal" I also put away any extra money from buying and selling things, hustling for a dollar.

Recently I took a job taking a van with a huge video screen in the back to a venue like a portable jumbotron. Well, i clipped a brand new chain link fence on the way to the job, took a corner too hard and CRUNCH! Did some damage to the truck but I was WAY lucky in that it didn't ruin the generator or LCD screens. In a massive freak out I managed to get enough help to pull the bar out of the truck side and get to the job. I was embarrassed and angry and upset at myself but as long as the job goes off things will be okay. So, my boss and the owner of the truck were super cool about it (no... they don't read this, being very sincere). Long story short I need to fix the fence and fix the truck and move on in life.

Yesterday the invoice for the fence comes in... $1,265! My heart sunk, this means my long fought hotrod fund will be taking a major hit. Plus I still have more coming for the truck fix. At this point I need to take a very long hard look at if I should even continue? If I am just spinning and spinning never getting ahead then what is the point. Do I take some shit job as a part time stock boy? Do I just keep plugging away or do I abandon my dreams of owning a hotrod all together. I don't know the answer to this question right now. The embarrassing mess is still to fresh and stingy in my brain.

It is my fault and I always own up to my messes, I hit the fence and messed up a truck. The last thing I will ever do is blame others or try to shirk my responsibilities. I am very fortunate my boss and the truck owner are as cool as they are. I definitely will count my blessings but I need to take a shot and a beer or 8 to wash down this shit sandwich and really take a long hard look at what I want. Only time will tell. In the mean time, if you happen to find yourself driving a panel truck would you do the Wannabe Hotrodder a favor and ease up on the cornering... the fence companies are rich enough.

Lets Follow Along With Our Hotrod Idol The UNDERTAKER!

The 900 Pound Rusty Gorilla In The Room

 

Rust In PEACE

Okay, as noted my last entry we need to talk about the current trend to take over the hotrod world... RAT RODS. Now, I beg you gentle reader please realize my opinions are not meant to be hurtful or flame worthy. Just my observations as seen through my little pea brain and expounded through the garbage heap that is the internet.

Greaserama car show in Kansas City last month really filled my veins with gasoline and lit the fire under my butt to get working on my hotrod plan. To be fair the "Hotrod Plan" consists of me saving money to buy a hot rod but "hotrod plan" sounds a bit more cool. The other thing I took away from the trip was although Rat Rods are very cool, much like everything else too much of a good thing kinda becomes a bad thing. What? has the wannabe hotrodder lost his mind? Please... read on...

For many many years car shows were basically fields upon fields filled to the brim with super shiny trailer queen cars that were basically kept behind glass. With sign after sign warning the attendee to not touch said trailer queen. That might float for a one of a kind Ferrari or Super Bee that truly is rare, please don't touch my "rare" 1967 Mustang not so much. Not hating on Mustangs but as I pointed out a few posts ago I am pretty sure you got a free Mustang with a large slurpee purchase in 1967. So as with most things the absurd brings a backlash. So much like punk music came along to murder disco, rat rods came along to murder the trailer queen. Just as punk then itself became the bloated joke of itself so too has "Rat Rods."

The first time one lays eyes on a true rusty ass wicked cool rolling work of art Rat Rod it turns your brain upside down. They are cooler than the other side of the pillow... from the cliche Jack Daniels radiator overflow bottle to the Pabst Blue Ribbon shift they are wacky cool fun. You walk away from that first exposure realizing you have been told a lie and hot rods can be unique and different and they don't always have to be perfect with that little time out dummy leaning against the overly shiny chrome bumper. The first exposure to a Rat Rod excited the car lover and changes your perspective. Fast forward a couple years and you start to realize that first Rat Rod you saw wasn't that innovative and was in fact bound by its own subset of rules for it to be "cool."

My hope is that the market re-adjusts itself back again but lands right in the middle. See, I dream of a world in which you can have a nice shiny hot rod AND drive it too. Imagine that world everyone, you can make a car fast and loud AND not worry about keeping it pristine. That is the happy medium, a car can be beat up and rusty and still be cool but creating fake patina or purposely wrecking something to make it look old and destroyed on purpose is kinda the same as buying a "relic'ed guitar" the hand made scars are fake corporate bullshit conceived to sell an image.

So for the sake of the hotrod world and car lovers everywhere... build your car and do the best you can. If your car gets a dent or scratch so be it, show your scars with pride but please don't ruin your car for a fad. Fads are cheap and soul-less.