More fads than you can detect with a fad detecting fad machine!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pt_zum97kjE

This past weekend I went to a Swap Meet / Car Show held at the world famous Don Garlits Museum. I went with a friend we will call MurderStang. MurderStang is an ACTUAL hotrodder not a wannabe like me so he is always a wealth of information and often has awesome ideas and insight. But I digress, as we walked to and fro looking at all the cars and customs it really struck me how deeply the car culture is struck with fads.

There were a ton of really awesome cars at the show. This show was more about honest hard working driving hotrods. So the field filled with a few trailer queens but for the most part well used cars filled the ranks. That is when i noticed the newest soon to be tired fad... the rat rod. Funny thing about hotrods they are really slaves to what is cool. Some are tried and true timeless classics for sure. Never met a 57 Chevy i didn't like. When you see a lot of different cars in these shows it sticks out when a car was built. 

The billet crazy of the 90s, the zz top fueled color-gasms from the 80s and now the patina drenched rat rod craze. I have nothing against all of these movements in the car world, hell I am a wannabe at this point so I have no room to judge. What does weigh heavy in my tiny pea brain is when I finally do get my hotrod and when I do start building and customizing it how do I avoid creating a fad filled car? I don't have the money to build and rebuild a car. Yes, I realize that hotrods command special handling and obviously driving one on a regular basis will require lots of fixing and re-fixing.

I guess it comes down to building a car that is timeless in design and powerful enough to not get pushed around. For me anyway, others will have way different goals. When I think of the cars I drool over getting they all have my flare but don't go overboard.

Wheels seem to be the hardest hit when it comes to fads. The first dead give away to when a car was built is the wheels. Second is the paint, man does paint show fads more than anything! I often think if you paint a car solid color and possibly close to a factory color you are safe. If you start putting stripes and ribbon stripes over ghost flames over pinstriping in neon colors well you might want to just start putting money away for the repaint now. That is part of the problem, custom cars are mostly one-off vehicles built by one person for one person. Judging if it is cool or not should not really come into play but obviously it does. And just because something is cool today does not mean it will be tomorrow. Just ask the guys riding the OCC choppers how much street cred they get. For now I will only dream and scheme, dodging fads and hoping for my hotrod to arrive.

Old = Indestructible

In the world of true hotrodding old detroit steel reigns supreme. That is good, and bad... but mostly good.

At this point you might be wondering why the hell is there a picture of a phone up there with a hyper link to a disturbed song called Indestructible. No, I haven’t completely lost my mind. That image represents everything about modern times and how I see the world. At THIS point you might be thinking okay, he obviously HAS lost his mind and just doesn’t know it yet. Bare with me gentle readers and allow me to expand upon my hypothesis.

See, earlier this morning I dropped my modern smart phone. Upon dropping my phone it broke the screen into a million pieces and became unusable in that it didn’t even have a picture anymore. I had to take the battery out of it to make it stop playing the song I was listening to. The song was Dead Kennedys “Trust Your Mechanic” in case you were wondering. Very solid song by a great old school punk band. It made me think of a time before phones were expensive pieces of glass that had the computing power of god and fit into the palm of everyones hands.
For you younger readers phones used to be heavy black things that sat on a stand or sometimes hung on a wall. They were made of space hardened moon lava and could kill a bear in the event of an attack and they never ever ever stopped being a phone. I would hazard a guess if you went out into the desert just beside where Atari buried all those ET cartridges and dug up where good old Ma Bell buried all of those old black phones they would still work. They were bullet proof, they were indestructible.

Does that make them better than current smart phones? No but yes… so maybe. New smart phones are glorious in that they contain all the answers to everything. You need to quickly establish the firing order of an engine you yanked out of a junk yard it is there. You need to find out what some random idiot thinks about what color you painted your anvil it is there. If you want it to be dependable and durable not so much. New technology is built light and smart but it sacrifices a lot to get there. New phones are a fashion statement and a fad, the cool hip phone you shelled out a crap ton of money to buy will be mocked as junk within 4 months. And as stated above, they are flimsy as hell… weak as a new born fawn.

Phones are like hotrods in that if you want to build up a bad ass hunk of detroit iron it might not be as super smart, slick and light as a new fangled computer driven hellcat. BUT, purchasers of the new hellcat or camaro that is a billion horsepower beware! New cars are plastic shells controlled by computer. Computers fail at just about every turn. Just like a new shiny phone people will drool all over them then toss them aside when the NEW AND IMPROVED BEST THING EVER comes out so too will the new cool cars of today. They are junk. New cars are fast sleek beautiful pieces of disposable shit. That is the way of the world now. Cars can’t be fixed, just replaced.

If you are like me and value things that are made of glass and metal and wood then you don’t have much time for the newest gadget filled plastic boring car of today. They are not useless but they are not going to be there through the thick and thin. They are the same as a disposable razor,used up and tossed away. New things are not built to withstand the test of time, they are there to drive consumerism and stupidity. SO, much like the old black phone that you can dial day in and day out from until the end of time (or until they force you to convert) give me an old metal and steel chunk of detroit cool. It won’t be as smart as a new hellcat, it won’t attract car and drivers top rated blah blah blah of the year. Know what it will do, it will go though hell and back without missing a beat with me. That is worth more to me than words can express… it is priceless.

Does The Car Make The Man?

 

Suicidal Tendencies - Asleep At The Wheel

Okay so the WannaBe Hotrodder has a question for YOU... does the man make the car or does the car make the man? I suffer from wanting to many awesome cars. My dream cars range from a 32 hiboy to a 65 Shelby cobra (replica of course... I am not Bill Gates) to a crazy 70s Fiat Spyder to everything in between. I see so many kick ass hotrods and so much potential, all the while rarely thinking about the image aspect.

My main goal is to have a convertible light fast as hell car that sounds like death is coming with me. That could be about a million cars and that is my problem. For a while I was on an import kick, you know those bad ass Healeys with a nice 350 tucked away to surprise at the line or an MGs from the 50s and 60s? Those are cool but not much different from the import i am running now, just slower. If I drove one of those would I need to wear an ascot like Fred from Scooby Doo?

Then i think about a wicked cool corvette... but do I wanna be "that guy"? I LOVE LOVE LOVE the late 70s early 80s vettes. I think they are styled smooth as silk and run like a bat out of hell. BUT they come at a price, the price is everyone looks at you like you are a big douchebag. And other than a handful of people in this world i am generally NOT considered a douchebag. So can I own a vette and still be me?  Probably not. I don't really have many collars to pop and sadly I left my youth and the 80s long ago.

I already saw a HUGE difference in how I was treated on the road when I switched from my brutal looking hotrod black 1994 nissan D21 pickup that looked like something from Deathrace 2000 to my little roadster. People rarely crowded my back bumper when I drove the truck, they mostly covered the eyes and ears of their children and ran for cover. The S2k is always getting messed with, I often oblige.

I hate having to think about the perception a car puts off but the reality is I do. Now I have to search not only my meager bank account for errant funds but i must also search out my heart and soul for who I am. Who the hell am i anyway? Depends on the day... sometimes i am quiet and reserved, sometimes i am wild and crazy, sometimes I am drunk and rowdy... sometimes i am a strait up loon! I guess only time will tell what my hotrod will say about me, i hope we both do each other proud and "represent" (note the slang usage for "street cred"). So i guess mostly my car should be sarcastic? hmmm... well anyway gentle readers, only time will tell. Being a wannabe leaves the door open for anything. I look forward to new adventures. Come along with me!

JESUS BUILT MY HOTROD!

Hotrods they are a'changing! I have a modest little Honda S2000 daily driver that is pushing around 265 HP. It is my every day drive to work car. It is fast, not like break your back fast but damn fast. It was made in 2005... way back when 265 horsepower sounded impressive. Since then I have seen the average horse power of consumer cars climb and climb. There are freakin' boring ass family cars running 300 HP from the factory. Now, would they beat mine in an honest street race? Probably not as there are about a billion and one things that contribute to who crosses the finish line first and most family cars ain't got em. BUT, with the new technology pushing the boundaries more and more every day hotrods have to be absolute monsters to even get noticed anymore. It is not uncommon for a hotrod to hit 600 - 800 or more horsepower to seem respectable. Hell, my friend Murder Stang is shooting for above 1000 horsepower on his vintage mustang. It is no wonder, Hellcats come stock with 707 hp from the factory and every other major car company is racing (literally) to beat that number.

Hotrods with outrageous horsepower are not surprising as the true hotrod culture has always taken the lightest and fastest and made it part of their car. Some of the purists out there bitch and complain if you bolt anything new on an old car but the harsh reality is hotrodders increase power and speed any way possible. You can keep your "Pre-blah blah blah or nothing" bullshit along with numbers matching and patina. With the modern horsepower war ramping up from all sides how will the garage tree mechanic or wannabe hotrodder keep up? I guess the same way we always have, run what ya brought until you can beg borrow and steal the next performance part. 

So, if you are sitting at the light next to a goofball 4 door accord don't laugh too hard as the kid driving it tachs the engine and cranks up his Skrillex CD. It just might make a fool of you unless you put the pedal all the way to the metal and ride out every gear. In traditional Wannabe fashion I will continue to dream and scheme all the ways my car WILL be the fastest... that is until I own my hotrod and it isn't. Till next time keep the rubber side down and rev it loud.

Swap Meets Ain't What They Used To Be!

 

Beach Boys - 409

So, went with a friend we shall call "Murder Stang" to a local auto swap meet. Both of us were filled with hopes and dreams of finding our every auto whim. Spoiler Alert... we both left disappointed. This was a very grand affair with an auto auction, a "car corral" in which you tried to buy cars directly from the owner and of course row upon row of swap meet goodies.

Here is where my head scratching came into play. It had the usual tables of tools bought from the local Harbor Freight then broken apart and sold per piece for profit. Eh, i gave up that level junk a while ago. Then it had table after table of various odds and ends parts, you know like an oil pan from a 73 pinto and a broken ford mustang emblem. And we all know no auto swap meet would be complete with row upon row of "automobilia." The crate upon crate of common license plates for sale for large sums of money. Gas pumps that cost 5 times as much now than then did back when they were actually selling gas from their nozzles. And various fake reproduction and authentic road signs (like a STOP sign... like from the end of my street and every street in America).

I get it, supply and demand. What i don't get is when did swap meets become like Ebay in that they are a "buy it now - at this set price" style commerce? Olden days of yor people haggled and traded or "SWAPPED" if you will for goods and services. Prices were merely suggestions as to where to start arguing over price. Good times man, those long gone days were good times indeed! Now it is a confusing world of $2k roadrunner gauge clusters and used AC Delco display boxes for $80 each. So much like my fading memories so are the hopes that any auto swap meet will give me my hotrod. Alas i am STILL a wannabe hotrodder, maybe the next swap meet will save me? Nah... but a man can dream.

Some Inspirational Pictures from Big Daddy Don Garlits

Click Picture for Inspirational Music

We took a trip to the Famous Don Garlits Museum a few months ago. Rather than overwhelm with a million pictures I will just be dropping a couple in from time to time to inspire and highlight some of the wicked cool collection they have rocking over there. if you have never been there and live in Florida I would suggest it. Here is a link to the Museum - http://www.garlits.com/

- and yes, that is the wannabe hotrodders big melon in the way of the awesome car in the 3rd shot.
just DROOLING!

Saving For A Hotrod Is A Lot Like A Long Boring Diet!

 

Classic Hot Rod Music to INSPIRE!

   So, saving up for a hotrod is a lot like going on a diet. At the beginning of the diet pounds are falling off and progress is fast. Your mind is filled with thoughts and dreams of activities you are going to be doing and cool clothing you will be fashionably showing off. After a couple weeks, the drudgery sets in. You are still loosing weight but it is much slower and commands a lot more dedication to make even the smallest goal. In your heart you know progress is being made... just not FAST ENOUGH!
  That is EXACTLY what saving your money for a hotrod is like. In the beginning you start the savings and put in a lump of cash, immediately your pea brain starts dreaming of the bad ass 32 hiboy you will be rattling the neighbors windows with. Dreaming of the color scheme that is going to turn heads, dreaming of the huge motor that is gonna crush all those that dare oppose you. But then slowly you realize the winning scratch off is never sold at your grocery store, and the reality of how long you are going to be eating ramen noodles and selling plasma hits you. Each week a little of my check goes into a secondary savings account. Every week i try to sell off something that is just collecting dust and every week I look at the bank account. I take a deep sigh, and get my ass back to work.
  Doing the right thing is tough, but in the long run sticking to a diet and saving up for your dream hotrod might suck in the dog days of summer you just gotta keep your eyes on the sweet sweet honey that awaits. Oh I will be rattling windows, not today or tomorrow... but soon.